Friday, December 10, 2010

Life Unexpected

As time flew by, I learned to adapt to being a lone and finding things to occupy my loneliness. Truth is, everyone is afraid to be alone; it’s a scary thought that haunts our every move. We make decisions based solely on our feelings, although most like to cover their tracks with the cliché line of “I use logic”. Bullshit, I bet half of you never knew the heart is your greatest weakness and also the greatest contributor to your success. With that said, I realized, I had to let him go. I had to open my heart up to the world—to myself. It was only a month after I knew him and already I was introduced to his love. His love was different, complex, selfless, articulate, mature, stubborn, innocent, and ideal—except his love was scared. How is that possible you might wonder? I could see right through him, he was afraid. So damn afraid that if he let in, he’ll lose that infatuation I had for him. He was chasing the devil, and my love for him just grew. It grew with every no response, every “no” he spoke, every kiss he missed. Yes, I knew him like I knew myself. He let his logics get the best of him, oh the best.

I cried, I sob, I questioned myself, and in the end, I realized how much he loved me…from the dot of every “i’s” to the dot at every sentence. The poems he wrote, the constant glare, the finishing of all my mishap sentences.

Today he called to say “I’ll always love you, I’ll always wait for you, You're the only love I regret not loving”

On a brighter note, I’ve met someone amazing, and I’m super excited to show him the world through my heart <3
Jay: I do appreciate you so clearly laying out the ground work for those of us who want to be friends with you- i especially enjoyed the example. Unfortunately, I cannot subscribe to your request. They are unnecessary and forced. See, I already believed we were friends. Silly me and my ignorance. I was unaware that all this time you needed the reassurance of one's direct questions, ie. "Thu would you like to be my friend?". You have led me to believe that for these past months we were growing closer as individuals. This has been a lie and I cannot continue on. Good day madame.

Me: oh shush it, now ask me to be your friend then we can work on our friendship! Keep in mind I might say NO

Jay: I will not run that risk, I will not ask you to be my friend, we will simply stay "coworkers" and keep our conversations light, around the water cooler. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ha! This kid always know how to make my day!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

you are what you eat

It's true! You are what you eat. I've been eating really unhealthy for the past year, and the results have shown for itself. I'm changing my ways, and within just a week, I've seen drastic difference. I can't wait to see what two months can do :)

Don't get me wrong, I still indulge myself to an ice or two here an there but majority of the time I stick to my green apple which helps heal my skin and provide me with enriching victims!

Don't forget to drink plenty of water!! I see a huge difference in my skin from drink much more water than i usually do.

Also, I've been eating much more greens, and it makes me feel great! YUMMY & DELICIOUS. Hopefully I'll join a gym this week or next to get started on my CARDIO! I'm super excited!!! Wish me luck!!!


I love the combination in both of these outfits =)

Monday, October 4, 2010

her unravel

Clearly I have an issue, but for the past five years I haven't seem to be able to figure it out. Everytime I sit to blog, my thoughts just play around with eachother and I loose focus of exactly what I started out trying to unravel. Most days when I'm sitting at work pondering, I tend to cross many boundaries depending on my feelings.

I honestly think I'm dealing with my quarter-life crisis. Perhaps it's a good think that I'm dealing with it 2 years in advance, hopefully by then I'll be able to be more at peace with myself.

I'm unhappy on so many different levels.
1. Love Life - I can't seem to find a balance with dating. I don't understand the concept of juggling several men all at once. I find myself to be too ridiculously honest, and it could be quite unattractive to many. I also attract the wrong type of men, and I too am guilty of picking them. I am ready for something serious, and perhaps something that could lead to marriage, but most men would say that they are definitely not into girls who rush into things. Am i really rushing things if I keep pushing for a label to everything? Oh boy, this goes on to show how much I have to learn about the "dating game". It's seriously a game, and whoever says it's NOT is in denial. God, it's tiring, and all i want is to be loved. Fine! I don't understand when my girlfriends tell me "If he really was into you, he would've made you his" then to hear the guy I'm seeing say "If we rush into anything it would ruin everything" So, who am I to believe? Is he not into me or is he so into me he wants it to be perfect? See what I mean, when I say it's so stressful?

2. Career - Where to begin? I need more passion in this area, perhaps a push to jump.

I find this to be the most unattractive feature in any person. Jealousy definitely wears me down. I can't stand any guy who's constantly suspisious of my action. It really drains me when the relationship no longer has any trust. It becomes valueless and no one is happy. When my actions are being question constantly, I no longer feel like I am capable of doing anything on my own. It takes a lot to loose me, and the fastest way is to not trust me. I want a person who is confident enough to love me with all his heart and be selfless. When he is able to love without requiring anything in return and is able to get hurt regardless, that is when I give him my all. If he chooses to love selfishly, I too will no longer feel the need to give myself whole-heartedly. I could love someone with all my heart, suffocate them with my love, and then require massive amount of space so that we will forever have to work on courting eachother in a comforting way. There is no need to suffocate eachother at all times, if one person changes their feelings for you, there really is nothing you can do to get them to love you again. No need to bother--no need to fight, you just have to give it time to figure itself out. I love "love" when it doesn't boost. =)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open - Why were they open?

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,

I'd catch a grenade for you,
Throw my hand on a blade for you,
I'd jump in front of a train for you,
You know I'd do anything for you,

I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby

But you won't do the same.

Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

Little miss perfect sitting at the train stop

I lost her in the cold

I wonder if well ever meet again...