Friday, December 10, 2010

Life Unexpected

As time flew by, I learned to adapt to being a lone and finding things to occupy my loneliness. Truth is, everyone is afraid to be alone; it’s a scary thought that haunts our every move. We make decisions based solely on our feelings, although most like to cover their tracks with the cliché line of “I use logic”. Bullshit, I bet half of you never knew the heart is your greatest weakness and also the greatest contributor to your success. With that said, I realized, I had to let him go. I had to open my heart up to the world—to myself. It was only a month after I knew him and already I was introduced to his love. His love was different, complex, selfless, articulate, mature, stubborn, innocent, and ideal—except his love was scared. How is that possible you might wonder? I could see right through him, he was afraid. So damn afraid that if he let in, he’ll lose that infatuation I had for him. He was chasing the devil, and my love for him just grew. It grew with every no response, every “no” he spoke, every kiss he missed. Yes, I knew him like I knew myself. He let his logics get the best of him, oh the best.

I cried, I sob, I questioned myself, and in the end, I realized how much he loved me…from the dot of every “i’s” to the dot at every sentence. The poems he wrote, the constant glare, the finishing of all my mishap sentences.

Today he called to say “I’ll always love you, I’ll always wait for you, You're the only love I regret not loving”

On a brighter note, I’ve met someone amazing, and I’m super excited to show him the world through my heart <3
Jay: I do appreciate you so clearly laying out the ground work for those of us who want to be friends with you- i especially enjoyed the example. Unfortunately, I cannot subscribe to your request. They are unnecessary and forced. See, I already believed we were friends. Silly me and my ignorance. I was unaware that all this time you needed the reassurance of one's direct questions, ie. "Thu would you like to be my friend?". You have led me to believe that for these past months we were growing closer as individuals. This has been a lie and I cannot continue on. Good day madame.

Me: oh shush it, now ask me to be your friend then we can work on our friendship! Keep in mind I might say NO

Jay: I will not run that risk, I will not ask you to be my friend, we will simply stay "coworkers" and keep our conversations light, around the water cooler. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ha! This kid always know how to make my day!